Category: Cancer Update (Page 3 of 7)

I had always envisioned them reattaching the muscles they had detached when they put the new piece in. My brother, the orthopedic PA, described to me how those replacements had rows of holes in them so they could sew the muscles back. But my surgeon says all those shoulder muscles are gone, not even because of the tumor removal itself, but because they had to remove everything along the corridor they made during the biopsy, in case it was contaminated.

The only thing I was told after the tumor removal was that I wouldn’t miss that piece of clavicle anyway, since it was only responsible for minor movements.

They’re not even going to sew in the new scapula. They’re going to pull some of the latissimus muscle from the back, and some pectoral muscle from the front (more damage, more disfigurement), and wrap the scapula up like a package. But none of those muscles will be connecting the shoulder to the arm.

There’s no amount of therapy that can fix that.

It’s not even just the scapula. They’re removing the head of the humerus to replace it with the metal part that will connect to the scapula. The metal joint will keep gravity from pulling my arm off, but is pretty much useless otherwise.

After all that.

I was not prepared for today.

So after I got off the phone, had a good cry in frustration, and calmed down, I got to thinking more about what she was talking about. My visualization of ‘closing the wound’ just included having enough skin to cover it over. This notion was clearly inadequate. They hadn’t just taken out the scapula. They took out surrounding muscle and other tissue, and part of the clavicle.

Just as my eyes avoid the misplaced protrusions around the incision, my mind had been avoiding any more sophisticated understanding of the problem than, ‘well, they just have to reattach all the muscles to the new part’. But no, if they did just that, there would gaps, pitting, and nothing to protect the skin from the sharp edges beneath.

So fine. I get it. I should probably be grateful that they are arranging to have the plastic surgeon involved in the reconstruction, rather than splitting it up into multiple surgeries (ok typing that just gave me chills. That had better not be foreshadowing.).

Ugh.

So much dread.

Almost made it.

Stay on target.

However, I got a call this week that the manufacturer has (again) delayed the ship date of my shiny new scapula to mid-February.

Luckily, Mom’s schedule in Buffalo has been much less problematic than mine, and she may be back in LA as early as 1/26.

Yay Mom! (Although, I guess now there’s no hurry.)

Well. Not permanently. I can put up with it because it’s only temporary (and my doctors have miraculously obliged with pain med refills, no fuss). We still don’t have a ship date on the replacement scapula, but there’s no reason to think they won’t come through on their late January estimate.

Mom, who has been the perfect help these last three months, is back in Buffalo for January. She has her own life to put in order. She’ll be back in a few weeks, but for those few weeks we’ll need a little help, especially with getting Sarah to and from school. (Ishould have been able to walk her myself this far post surgery, but the shoulder is getting worse rather than better.) I’m hoping some neighborhood people will be able to commit to doing it on a regular basis rather than farming it out piecemeal to different people on different days. It’s too chaotic that way, and a little nerve-wracking.

We’ve had a lot of people visit during the last few weeks. Even though I’m stuck on the couch for most of it, I really appreciate seeing friends and having the house full of noise and light.

It keeps the whole thing from being a formless blur.

Now, if only I can keep from panicking when Sarah brings up birthday party plans for February…

I burst into tears.

He says this time they would just do the adriamycin, and not the cisplatin, so it shouldn’t be so bad. I guess I have a couple of months to reconcile myself to it.

Or I could refuse.

When the surgeon arrived later, he had the same message. The tumor board ‘overwhelmingly recommended’ additional chemo. I didn’t cry again, though. I had gotten it out of my system.

They took out the stitches and the drain, so there was some consolation. I can take the sling off to shower, now.

The shoulder still aches big time. I tried to clean up for house guests, and it’s turned into me sitting on the couch shouting instructions to Sarah. Bring that here for me to look through. Put this in recycling. Etc. She’s putting up with it pretty well so far. I’m lucky I have such a good helper girl.

And such good helper friends. It helps a lot to know that I’ve got support. Thanks guys.